full circle.

in reference to my last post, sometimes those days seem to go by a lot faster than i’m able to keep up with…

for years, it was hard for me to envision myself living anywhere but nyc. as very apparently evidenced by notes here and here, the love affair i’ve had with new york is long withstanding and incredibly real. that said, i am currently writing this from a brand new bed, in my new apartment where i now live in los angeles, in the state i was born.

when i reflect on the end of 2012 into the start of 2013, the months brought an onslaught of emotions and change. there are moments i’m proud of, moments i’m mortified by, times so good i wish i could relive over and over, and instances i wish i had acted otherwise… i won’t be held back by any negative factors, but i will grow through them instead.

for me, writing has always been the most productive, and my favorite way of working through stuff. it doesn’t always come easy though. i don’t care to regurgitate or “reblog” what other people have written. i have my own original thoughts but there’s a bit of permanence, well – a lot of permanence that scares me, about putting thoughts into words that can’t be taken back. i’m very critical of myself, more so than anyone else could ever be. i’ve always strived for perfection, but if there’s anything i’ve learned, especially lately, it’s that “perfection” is boring; it’s overrated, and moreover, unrelatable.

i’m making more of an effort to write again for the very fact that i’m not perfect. and i think it’s those very imperfections and quirks that will make my writing, and reading what i write now, worthwhile.

ultimately, i know that being closer to my family here is best in the long run; they’re all that matters. truthfully though, la and i aren’t exactly a love at first sight sort of relationship. granted it’s only been a few months, but los angeles has large shoes to fill. immediately, there are benefits to this side of the country – beaches, fresh air, space. the biggest stereotype about the laid back, carefree vibe that seems to perpetually permeate the west coast air, is surprisingly what i’ve been drawn to most. inexplicably, things that would have stressed me out in new york, just don’t matter here. i now consider 7:00pm a “late” night at the office and for once, there’s no plan at all. i welcome the uncertainty and am looking forward to taking it all in, one day at a time, in the gold state – the city of angels – what i affectionately and personally regard as lost angeles – and hopefully in time, home.

xoxo,
jessica

runyon back

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